The Pit of Emotional Despair

6/30/2023

When was the last time fell into a dark and cold hole where you ended up feeling all alone and unable to see a way out?

The Pit of Despair

In the 1970s, American psychologist Harry Harlow created a vertical chamber made of stainless steel and called it the “Pit of Despair.”

His goal was to study the effects of isolation on rhesus macaque monkeys. The device had sloping sides, which prevented the monkeys from climbing out.

Harlow placed newborn monkeys in the Pit of Despair for periods of up to 30 days. During this time, the monkeys were completely isolated from any human or animal contact.

As anyone might expect, the results were devastating.

As days passed, the monkeys became severely depressed. They felt into hopelessness and despair, causing them to stop moving and eventually remain huddled in a corner.

Something similar happens to us, humans, when we fall into the pit of emotional despair.
Yes, we all fall into the pit of despair at some point in our lives. For different lengths of time, of course. It's part of the human experience as long as we are able to feel all the emotions in the expectrum.

What's like in the Pit of Emotional Despair

When we are deep in the pit of emotional despair, everything looks dark and gray. We cannot see much of anything when we are in there. In fact, it feels as if we are in a deep, dark hole looking down, unable to see any color, light, or a way out.

Everything in life seems so dull and lifeless from there.

The emotions we feel when we are in the pit of emotional despair are of the most unpleasant kind: depression, grief, despair, shame, guilt, regret, fear, sadness, emptiness, numbness, along with unworthiness, hopelessness, powerlessness, and the like.

All of these are emotions in the 0–10 range of the Harmony Scale. See the image below.

Things we used to laugh at or about are no longer funny. Things we used to enjoy are no longer interesting to us.

How could we feel any kind of pleasantness when we are too far away from feeling good?which starts in the 60 range of the Harmony Scale.

When we fall into the pit of despair, we also stop moving and remain huddled on the bed or couch. It is not easy to get out of that state since there's not much life force in the body.

Even though the desire to do something to get us out of the pit of despair is there, the energy to get us to climb out is not. Any kind of activity is a chore when we are in the pit of emotional despair, including personal care and parenting.

What Got Us into the Pit of Emotional Despair

The main reason we fall into the emotional pit of despair is isolation—just as it happened to the monkeys in Harlow’s study.

The evidence is clear: isolation is harmful to our mental health.

However, it is important to note that not all isolation is created equal.

Some forms of isolation, such as spending time alone to relax or reflect, can be beneficial. However, prolonged social isolation can be very damaging. The body’s nervous system needs connection and healthy touch to survive.

When we feel lonely, hopeless, and re-traumatized (usually after ruminating on our emotional hurts), we give up on our lives. We want to stop participating in it. So, we disconnect from everything and everyone, including ourselves.

It is when we feel isolated and lonely at work, in relationships, at home, or in the world, that we begin to experience the devastating results of Harlow’s experiments.

If you’re in despair, you don’t know how to be part of your own life anymore.” —Naomi Wallace

Though falling into the pit of despair is part of the human experience, getting out of it is completely up to us. Learn how here.

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Claudia LeBaron Islas

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