How to Climb Out of Despair

2/29/2024

The three things under your control to help you get out of the pit of despair… and stay out.

Falling into the pit of despair is part of the human experience; getting out of it is completely up to you.

Despairing

I know how it feels to be in the pit of despair. I've been there myself. The pit of despair is in the 0–10 range of the Harmony Scale. This means that when we are in despair we already traveled through most negative emotions in the downward spiral and remained there for a while.

You are a smart person. This does not mean you’ll never fall in the pit; it just means you will want to get out faster. Not wanting to throw a pity party will allow you to see a way out sooner. And if you are prepared, you’ll make it out faster.

It’s possible, totally normal, and okay to visit the pit of despair when sudden unpleasant things happen, such as when we lose a job (fear), when we make a wrong decision with fast consequences (regret), or when a loved one moves away or transitions (sadness or grief). But if we don’t decide to continue moving forward, our old, limiting thoughts will keep us in the pit.

Self-Awareness

There’s nothing wrong with falling into the pit of despair occasionally. It is when we extend our stay that our well-being gets affected—and consequently, the quality of our lives.

To climb out of the pit of despair, you need to be aware of three things. You need to be aware of what is happening to you physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Physically:

There’s not much life energy in your body to get you to move.
You can’t sleep well. Even when sleeping too much, rest is not necessarily achieved.
Your lower brain (brain stem) is running your life to keep you alive. That's why you can’t focus on anything else besides survival.
The intellectual part of your brain (frontal cortex) is not functioning as usual. Decision making is not optimal.

Mentally:

It’s not easy to make empowering decisions. You mostly focus on surviving (staying alive).
Since your lower brain is running your life, you are functioning from your lower mind—incessant, negative, and usually unrealistic thoughts flood your attention.
Your mind is focused on negative thoughts, and it has no room for hopeful thoughts.
It’s hard for you to focus on solutions. It’s rather easier to focus on problems and everything that’s going bad for you.

Emotionally:

You might feel depressed, hopeless, helpless, empty, or numb.
You’re no longer interested in things you enjoyed.
You are focused on one problem after another (since that’s all you can see), causing you to feel exhausted—remember, you don’t have much life energy in your body.
Your emotional baggage comes to the surface.
You might feel worthless.
You might feel all is lost.

Now that you are aware of some of the things that might be going on with you while in the pit of despair, it’s time to do something about them to get you out.

Climbing Out

Before anything, let me tell you this: no one put you in the pit of despair but yourself. That’s why no one can take you out but yourself.

So, make it your priority to improve your physical, mental, and emotional well-being.

Physical: Get moving to bring energy back to your body. Focus on bringing energy to your limbs. Start by patting your arms and legs. Slowly rotate your arms inward and outward. Do jumping jacks without jumping (arms up with one leg to the side, then the other one). Go out for a regular or fast walk. Get away from situations that make you feel in survival mode.

Mental: Learn to discard thoughts that make you feel negative emotions. Entertain thoughts that make you feel positive emotions. You have a space between thoughts where you can step in and take control of your mind. Use it. Are you a procrastinator? take advantage of that and procrastinate to think things that don’t feel good.

Emotional: Choose to feel pleasant emotions for as long as possible. Whether you notice it or not, you feel pleasant emotions throughout the day. You might listen to a song you like, laugh at a joke you hear, or have a pleasant memory come to mind. At those times, even if for a fleeting moment, when your thoughts are not focused on negativity, you climb out of the pit of despair. Extend those moments for as long as possible. Then, learn to intentionally be on the lookout for those moments.

Be patient with yourself. Don't expect to feel better overnight. It takes time to move from despair to hope (0 to 60 on the Harmony Scale). But once you are intentional about feeling better, the time shortens significantly, and the unpleasant feelings become less intense.

To be truly radical is to make hope possible rather than despair convincing.” –Raymond Williams

it's important to understand that the pit of despair is a state of mind. It's a feeling of hopelessness and despair. It's not a reality. So, whenever you find yourself in the imaginary pit of despair, it's important to remember that you have the power to get out.

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Claudia LeBaron Islas

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