Happiness Should Not Be Your Goal

3/21/2018

We’ve been selling the idea to ourselves that if we want a great life we need to be happy. But that’s a false idea because it’s impossible to be happy all the time.

Image: woman covering face with happy face emoji

It’s not only impossible to be happy all the time; it’s unrealistic since happiness is not the only positive feeling emotion we can experience.

In pursuit of happiness

We all seek happiness; we all want to feel happy. Sometimes we look for it with such tenacity that it seems to get out of our hands. This makes us feel discouraged and sometimes don’t believe that it’s even possible for us to be happy in this life.

But some of us are so determined to feel happy one way or another that we have been attaching happiness to external things like wanting to have the latest electronic device, or going to vacation to the most distant places from our country, or to know and learn the latest trends until we become experts.

There are so many beliefs that tell us that if we don’t do, be or have something, we cannot be happy. This makes it even worse for us to feel happy. The good news is that there are more options.

Other options apart from happiness

Although happiness is the most universally recognized positive emotion, there are still many more positive emotions that we can feel.

Other positive emotions that we can feel, which are as good or even better than happiness, are: enthusiasm, compassion, satisfaction, forgiveness, acceptance, wisdom, understanding, passion, freedom, appreciation, peace, love and joy.

We have so many options; so many positive emotions to feel. Let's not just focus on happiness. Let’s focus and accept any positive emotion we’re experiencing at the moment.

Now, the happiness, or any other positive emotion, that we all seek has nothing to do with how intensely we feel that emotion, nor with the time that emotion lasts, but with the frequency (how often) we feel that and other positive emotions.

We’ve been selling the idea to ourselves that if we want a great life we need to be happy, but that’s an unrealistic belief. But you can do this instead…

Make feeling good your goal

Feeling happy is not getting to feel happy once and then you’re happy for the rest of your life. No, you have to constantly pay attention to how you feel and always choose as your goal to feel good.

Now, let me clarify something important here: you will still feel negative emotions. Not so often, but nevertheless, you’ll still feel them. They’re a necessary part of this human experience and are vital to our process of creation and growth.

I mean, how are we going to grow as humans if we don’t go through experiences that lead us to want to be better, to stay satisfied, and committed in this life? It’s the only way. So make peace with this.

The key here is to allow you to feel these negative emotions, learn what you need to learn from them, and feel good again as soon as your body allows it.

Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you. But if you turn you attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.” –Henry David Thoreau

I'm not saying don’t feel happy; I WANT you to feel happy!

What I'm saying is try to feel good, even if it's not feeling happy. Choose to feel good one day at a time, or better yet, one moment at a time. And from moment to moment you’ll see that you’re going to live a good and fulfilled life.

What are some of the things you already do that help you feel good? What other things do you think would help you feel better? Let me know in the comments below.

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