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Parenting Made Easy

5/31/2016

 
​Unfortunately children don’t come with a manual when they are born and sometimes what we have learned from our parents, and those around us, are not exactly the best instructions we want to follow to raise our children.
Parenting Made Easy.
Have you ever asked yourself if there is another way to parent your children? if yes, then you’re already on your way to find a better option. The asking draws in the answers and you’re about to find some of them now.
I had my first child when I was a teenager. At that time my parenting style was mostly composed of the idea of the parent I didn’t want to be like, of what I thought was the best at the moment, and of what was deeply ingrained in me. Not very wise, right?

By the time I had my girls I was in my 30's. By then I had enough experience at being a parent. I had enough vision at the parent style I wanted to be this time, and I had much more mind into it. This time I knew better and wanted better. I had evolved mentally, emotionally and spiritually and my parenting style evolved with it.
​
As I prepared for this post, I began paying attention to what I found to be good parenting, according to my current perspectives and beliefs, and this is what I found. These are not rules nor set-in-stone do’s and don’ts. These are just my findings and you can take and leave whatever you want.

Do’s of Parenting:

  • Believe that your child has his own internal guidance. You child, just like you, has divine guidance for this life and as long you teach him how to use it, they’ll be doing their life’s work.
  • Understand that children didn’t come to this world to complete your purpose. He is another human being under your care, not an opportunity to relive your life through them.
  • Realize that he is not here to please you or make you feel good. Your job as a parent is to model to your child what feeling good is and what to do to get there. Children learn by watching.
  • Remember that your child creates his own reality just like you create yours. In order for this to happen your child need to learn what he likes and does not like.
  • Be certain that your child, like you, are worthy and perfect just the way you are. Nothing needs to be added or removed. There is a plan for your child and the way he is, is the way he needs to be.
  • Support free thinking, questioning, and asking. Teach them to ask their own questions. Teach them to evaluate the answers against their inner guidance. By doing this you teach them to feel free.
  • Teach from a range you want your children to receive. If you want your children to receive positivism, teach when you feel positive. If you want to teach love to your children, teach when you feel love in you. If you want to teach depression, teach when you are depressed. Get it?
  • Practice unconditional love more often and let them know they don’t need to be, do or have anything special for you to love them. Tell them you love them every day at least once. Love never spoils a person; on the contrary it flourishes them.
  • Take time out from your children when you are about to lose it. Yes, sometimes we parents need time away from our children to rest. Make sure you always recognize that time. You don’t want to be feared or taken as unstable; you want to be taken seriously. If you lose it, apologize and let them now you made a mistake, otherwise they will think it’s normal and will mimic it in the future.
  • Trust your inner instincts. Parents are the ones that best know their children, if you feel something is going on, there’s a big chance you are right.
  • Teach the golden rule. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Not only will they learn to be kind to others, but they’ll learn to expect kindness. And when you’re expecting something, while believing it, you usually receive it.
  • Remember that children grow up fast and not very long they’ll be out on their own just like you did. So, hug them every day, be there for their special moments, and enjoy them while they are close to you. 
Our children are not going to be just “Our Children” –they are going to be other people’s husbands and wives and the parents of our grandchildren” –Mary Steichen Calderone
​

Don’ts of parenting:

  • Don’t place too many rules to your children. Too many rules remove freedom and your children will barely be able to move before reminding them they are doing something wrong. We are all free. Focus on their safety and in feeding their minds mostly.
  • Don’t prevent your children from having experiences just because you will worry. The clarification of what they want or don’t want in life usually comes from unpleasant experiences. If you prevent them, they will have a hard time trying to be clear in what they want.
  • Don’t involve children in adult issues if possible. Check with your own inner guidance before you plan on doing this. There is a time for everything and it is not their time to enter the adult world. They don’t understand it yet.
If you think you are a bad parent, it’s because you’re always rating your parenting style based on the “bad parent list” you are looking at. We all go there at some point or another, so you will definitely find something there to resonate with.

But let me tell you this: ”You are looking at the wrong list!”. Turn the other cheek and face the list of what being a good parent is. Focus on what you want for your children which is being a good parent.  You’ll see that you will find more things to resonate with in the “good parent list” and you and your children will feel so much better while you do so. 
When in doubt, choose the kids. There will be plenty of time later to choose work” –Anna Quindlen
Being a parent doesn’t have to be that hard or stressful. Our main job, as parents, is to do the most we can to raise the next generation of humans and to enjoy them in the process. It doesn’t have to be that complicated. 
​
 ​Do you have another effective Do’s and Don’ts in your parenting style that you want to share? Let me know in the comments below.

Related Posts:

Love Lessons We Can Learn from Our Children

Worry Free Parenting for Life

Happy Mother's Day to All Women

Unless You Are Like Children
Mihaela Lica Butler link
6/1/2016 03:18:06 am

Brilliant! Where was this when I needed it 8 years ago? Now I have little time to prepare for a teen!

Claudia LeBaron Islas
6/1/2016 08:48:38 am

You still have time to teach these things Mihaela. Most of them are timeless, the teaching method is the one that changes. Best wishes ;)

Lore Raymond link
6/1/2016 04:17:32 am

This blog post was so content-rich! Perhaps you can write a book now with your series of articles. I wish I'd had this information when I became a single mom at age 45 and adopting my daughter in Honduras. She was 10...and our journey hasn't always been easy...and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Claudia LeBaron Islas
6/1/2016 09:07:16 am

I too wish I would have had this information when I had my son at 18, but things happen for a reason and for a reason you found this now. As long as your children are alive, you can still do some of the things in the list or you can pass on this information to them. And yes, Lore, with the series I'm writing a book ;)

Elise link
6/1/2016 07:41:06 am

This is so true! Man have things changed for me as a parent. I'm so grateful they have! Less anxiety now for me and my kids!

Claudia LeBaron Islas
6/1/2016 09:09:55 am

The way it should be. I'm happy for you Elise :)

Heather with WELLFITandFED link
6/1/2016 09:13:25 am

What a beautiful family. Your kids are such a beautiful blend of you both. I am not a parent so I can't comment on the do's and don't but is it really that simple? I am sure it is different for every parent, right?

Claudia LeBaron Islas
6/1/2016 10:52:40 am

Oh yes, it's different. The general view, which is what I wrote, is simple, but each person makes it unique based on their perspective and beliefs... depending on those it will be easy or not. I say it's not hard, you just need to keep your eye open for safety and make sure their minds are fed well.

Heidi ~ morethan3wishes.com link
6/1/2016 03:37:47 pm

These are great! It is so important for us to accept our children as the individuals that they are and encourage them to thrive in that way. Every parent needs to read your post! :)

Claudia LeBaron Islas
6/1/2016 06:01:52 pm

I agree with you Heidi!!! Every parent needs to read my post! :D

Aileen link
6/1/2016 05:56:54 pm

The golden rule is SO important. Thank you for the reminder!

Claudia LeBaron Islas
6/1/2016 06:25:53 pm

Yes,super important! You're so welcome Aileen! ;)

Lea Tran link
6/2/2016 06:55:13 am

Another beautiful post, Claudia. I love the way you respect children and their own innate wisdom. Thanks for the reminder.

Claudia LeBaron Islas
6/2/2016 02:20:52 pm

Aaww, thank you Lea!... and you're welcome ;)

Zeenat Merchant Syal link
6/2/2016 09:30:48 am

Love your brilliant advice here Claudia!
Thank you!
xoxo, Z~

Claudia LeBaron Islas
6/2/2016 02:21:32 pm

Thank you Zeenat! :)

Shani | Sunshine & Munchkins link
6/2/2016 04:05:32 pm

Great list! I love that it leaves room for kids to still grow and learn but still have universal rules/boundaries. Before I had kids, I thought more about the things I didn't want to do as a parent but when I had my first, it turned into "ok, how am I going to make sure I don't do those things?" I'm not perfect, but looking at your list of Do's, I feel a lot better. :)

Claudia LeBaron Islas
6/3/2016 06:20:43 pm

It certainly feels better to focus on the things that you DO want to do instead of the ones that you don't want to do. This is what makes it easy. Btw... PERFECT doesn't exist ;)

Brianna Ray link
6/4/2016 10:36:49 am

This is great! I really needed to read this. I think sometimes we just get caught up in being the perfect parent. I know I fall into that trap a lot and need to follow some of these dos and donts better.

Claudia LeBaron Islas
6/4/2016 02:51:43 pm

I'm glad you found your way to this page today Brianna! :)

Rebecca Lemke link
6/4/2016 10:54:35 am

I love this! Especially "Realize that he is not here to please you or make you feel good." I see SO many parents act like their child was born to worship them. :/

Claudia LeBaron Islas
6/4/2016 02:55:36 pm

Ignorance and blindness cause us to not see more than ourselves and want others, especially those we "think" we can control, to do the same. Thank God this is changing little by little.

Hanna link
6/4/2016 11:32:17 am

Great post, you make some very good points!

Claudia LeBaron Islas
6/4/2016 02:56:18 pm

Thank you Hanna! ;)

Steve link
6/4/2016 11:53:28 am

Awesome thanks for sharing

Claudia LeBaron Islas
6/4/2016 02:57:02 pm

You're very welcome Steve! :)

Helena link
6/4/2016 12:51:02 pm

I think it's a really hard job being a parent. It's hard to know if you're doing it right because we kind of parent alone these days. You don't really have a village, or much of a sounding board apart from other parents who either do it the same as you or not.
These tips are great - it's interesting to see the rules as someone else sees them!

Claudia LeBaron Islas
6/4/2016 03:02:51 pm

It's true that is not easy not having a village to help you parent your children, but if you look inside of you for guidance, you will realize that the village is not that necessary except to give you some time for yourself while they watch your children.

Yev link
6/4/2016 07:12:36 pm

Thanks for the post. Certainly great ideas in there to practice with myself and my son.

I like to think that we can help the relationship by doing 2 things- 1) allowing them to practice their creativity, and 2) not preventing them to explore their creativity.

These are 2 sides of the same coin but certainly adds a different perspective. Creativity is all encompassing of their development and growth, I don't just mean art.

Claudia LeBaron Islas
6/4/2016 10:42:35 pm

How are we going to create our own reality if we are not creative right? I totally agree with you Yev!

rebecca greene link
6/4/2016 07:19:17 pm

Such great dos and don'ts. It really is hard to let go and let them make mistakes especially if it means a bump or bruise along the way whether emotional or physical. At some point, we do have to let go.

Claudia LeBaron Islas
6/4/2016 10:48:35 pm

I know it's hard to see them get hurt. That's why I usually recommend to let them make their own choices and mistakes with little things when they're little. That way they have time to get used to their own power of choice and the consequences of it with little things like trying to jump off a swing while it's still swinging.

Rada (journous.com) link
6/4/2016 08:05:26 pm

Love this! Especially the point about recognizing that children are not the parents and have their own place in this world. A lot of parents want something specific for their children to grow into, but that's control that they need to let go of and let the children blossom into whatever they will be.

Claudia LeBaron Islas
6/4/2016 10:52:44 pm

That's right. We need to leave this mentality that we own our children. We don't, we only helped them get here. Just like our parents didn't own us, they just helped us get here. Thank you Rada :)

Shelley Zurek link
6/5/2016 06:11:42 pm

Also, don't assume that kids are all the same. They are so different and all need to be parented differently.

Claudia LeBaron Islas
6/6/2016 12:16:49 am

Definitely! That's why we, parents, need to pay close attention to our own intuition and to our children's needs. Thank you for bringing this up Shelley! :)

Lisa Tener link
6/5/2016 06:41:27 pm

Very wise list. It definitely has me asking myself questions (particularly about whether we have too many rules). Thanks.

Claudia LeBaron Islas
6/6/2016 12:18:52 am

That is the whole purpose of my writing, so people begin asking themselves questions -I love it! Thank you for letting me know Lisa. ;)


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