By the time I had my girls I was in my 30's. By then I had enough experience at being a parent. I had enough vision at the parent style I wanted to be this time, and I had much more mind into it. This time I knew better and wanted better. I had evolved mentally, emotionally and spiritually and my parenting style evolved with it.
As I prepared for this post, I began paying attention to what I found to be good parenting, according to my current perspectives and beliefs, and this is what I found. These are not rules nor set-in-stone do’s and don’ts. These are just my findings and you can take and leave whatever you want.
Do’s of Parenting:
- Believe that your child has his own internal guidance. You child, just like you, has divine guidance for this life and as long you teach him how to use it, they’ll be doing their life’s work.
- Understand that children didn’t come to this world to complete your purpose. He is another human being under your care, not an opportunity to relive your life through them.
- Realize that he is not here to please you or make you feel good. Your job as a parent is to model to your child what feeling good is and what to do to get there. Children learn by watching.
- Remember that your child creates his own reality just like you create yours. In order for this to happen your child need to learn what he likes and does not like.
- Be certain that your child, like you, are worthy and perfect just the way you are. Nothing needs to be added or removed. There is a plan for your child and the way he is, is the way he needs to be.
- Support free thinking, questioning, and asking. Teach them to ask their own questions. Teach them to evaluate the answers against their inner guidance. By doing this you teach them to feel free.
- Teach from a range you want your children to receive. If you want your children to receive positivism, teach when you feel positive. If you want to teach love to your children, teach when you feel love in you. If you want to teach depression, teach when you are depressed. Get it?
- Practice unconditional love more often and let them know they don’t need to be, do or have anything special for you to love them. Tell them you love them every day at least once. Love never spoils a person; on the contrary it flourishes them.
- Take time out from your children when you are about to lose it. Yes, sometimes we parents need time away from our children to rest. Make sure you always recognize that time. You don’t want to be feared or taken as unstable; you want to be taken seriously. If you lose it, apologize and let them now you made a mistake, otherwise they will think it’s normal and will mimic it in the future.
- Trust your inner instincts. Parents are the ones that best know their children, if you feel something is going on, there’s a big chance you are right.
- Teach the golden rule. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Not only will they learn to be kind to others, but they’ll learn to expect kindness. And when you’re expecting something, while believing it, you usually receive it.
- Remember that children grow up fast and not very long they’ll be out on their own just like you did. So, hug them every day, be there for their special moments, and enjoy them while they are close to you.
Our children are not going to be just “Our Children” –they are going to be other people’s husbands and wives and the parents of our grandchildren” –Mary Steichen Calderone
Don’ts of parenting:
- Don’t place too many rules to your children. Too many rules remove freedom and your children will barely be able to move before reminding them they are doing something wrong. We are all free. Focus on their safety and in feeding their minds mostly.
- Don’t prevent your children from having experiences just because you will worry. The clarification of what they want or don’t want in life usually comes from unpleasant experiences. If you prevent them, they will have a hard time trying to be clear in what they want.
- Don’t involve children in adult issues if possible. Check with your own inner guidance before you plan on doing this. There is a time for everything and it is not their time to enter the adult world. They don’t understand it yet.
But let me tell you this: ”You are looking at the wrong list!”. Turn the other cheek and face the list of what being a good parent is. Focus on what you want for your children which is being a good parent. You’ll see that you will find more things to resonate with in the “good parent list” and you and your children will feel so much better while you do so.
When in doubt, choose the kids. There will be plenty of time later to choose work” –Anna Quindlen