Why Do We Cling To Painful Relationships?

2/8/2017

All relationships have a purpose for coming together and this purpose can be completed in a short or a long period of time.

Why Do We Cling To Painful Relationships?

When the purpose of a relationship has ended and we just don’t want to let go, it is when the relationship begins to turn painful.

The purpose of relationships

But I want you to remember that not letting someone go means we’re blocking their freedom and you know we all want our freedom and we’re going to fight to the end for it.
Extending a period of time, after the purpose of a relationship has ended, is what causes the pain in it. The pain of no longer feeling free. And this is what I want you to learn today. I want you to learn to recognize when a relationship or a partnership has come to an end and when it’s time to move on and let go.

Extending a period of time, after the purpose of a relationship has ended, is what causes the pain in it. And this is what I want you to learn today. I want you to learn to recognize when a relationship or a partnership has come to an end and when it’s time to move on and let go.

It is until we move on and let go that we make room for new people to come into our lives. I want you to realize that there’s a great number of good people that need to come into your life, but you have prevented them from getting to you just by not allowing relationships that are over to leave.

I’m talking only of those relationships that cause you pain. You should know by now which ones I’m talking about, and I don’t only mean romantic relationships but about any kind of relationships. Relationships in parenting, with relatives, friendships, in business, at school, work, etc. If they don’t cause you pain, then the purpose of that relationship is not over yet; who knows it may not be over until either of you die.

The pain of letting go

We usually cling to relationships because the pain of letting go is stronger than the pain of staying. This pain is usually caused by one or more of the following:

Old fears and pains of abandonment, rejection and failure
Unable to see more than can be seen with our own eyes
Lack of worth
No hope for the future
Too attached or too identified with the relationship
Self is lost in the relationship
Expectation to change the other person
Loving the idea of what the relationship is, could be, or can be, more than what it really is
Unawareness of the purpose of relationships
Fear of losing comfort and financial security
Feelings of being unlovable
Fear of not being able to find someone else
Fear of the unknown

But you’re not the only one suffering in the relationship; remember that a person that hurts inside hurts others.

How to let relationships go

First of all, value yourself and realize how worthy you are just by existing. You do this by knowing yourself so well that nothing and no one will come and shake you. You can begin valuing yourself when you:

Forgive old hurts you may have caused to yourself and others
Know yourself and respect the way you are
Love yourself and everything that comes, and doesn’t come, with you
Expect good things from life and people
Understand the purpose of relationships
Realize that everyone is always moving, growing and changing.

I also want you to realize that not all pains in a relationship are caused because it is ending, but by own perception of it. This usually negative perception can be caused by our own internal personal struggle that makes us blame those around us for what we are going through.

So, before you make any big decision, make sure you feel good inside about it. Realization of the end of a relationship is not a feeling of anger and drama but a feeling of peace and understanding. Make sure you keep this in mind always.

Why do people persist in a dissatisfying relationship, unwilling either to work toward solutions or end it and move on? It’s because they know changing will lead to the unknown, and most people believe that the unknown will be much more painful than what they’re already experiencing.” – Anthony Robbins

Once you see more than you can see, you will realize that we are all in this dance of life where some dance with us and we like it, some dance with us and we don’t like it, there’re some we don’t want to dance with, there’re some that don’t want to dance with us, some just want to watch at a distance, and some just want to leave the party… and we need to be okay with all of that.

The only way to be okay with that is to be aware that you’re in this party to dance and have fun. If people come to you, you dance for as long as it feels good to both of you, and if either wants to go, you let go knowing you will continue having fun and knowing soon you will be dancing with someone else. Once you understand this you will then begin to experience peace in relationships.

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Thank you,