Happy mother’s day to all wonderful moms out there… but, are they? Are they really wonderful? can they really be all to her children?
The title of a mother comes with great expectations and responsibilities imposed by the mother herself, by her children, and by society. But being a mother is just another stage in life and I don't think it needs to be the greatest task of her life. Maybe she should not go through it at all.
I'm writing today as a daughter and as a mother. When I was a child I was expecting that my mom will treat me the best way she could possibly do it. After all she had me, I didn’t ask to be born. She was supposed to take care of me and meet all my needs while I was under her care, right? Survival needs, safety needs, emotional needs.
How wrong was I. It wasn’t until I become a mother that I realized that I could not possibly meet all my child’s emotional needs. It’s impossible. And even if I tried, I would still somehow end up hurting my child emotionally.
I’m sure my mother didn’t plan to hurt me on purpose; just like I didn’t plan to hurt my child on purpose.
Maybe that was the reason we chose our mother. Maybe that hurt is something we chose to experience in this life. Maybe through her way of being and acting we would create our perceptions needed to live this life. Maybe we needed to feel that pain to go through some experiences that would help our souls grow. Maybe it is all part of a big plan. Maybe.
Match made in heaven
That pain I perceived when I was a child was the unconscious drive through which I made many of the big decisions and choices in my life. But the first time I read that I chose my parents before coming to this world was when I began healing that pain from when I was a child. I can't ever tell whether that is true or not, but it served me so I took it.
Now I see different. Now I see that we mothers are human beings that also have other plans while living in this world. Having children is just one of them. It's not the only one for sure, but why do we see it like it is?
I think it's time that we begin to see motherhood as a stage. Just as those teenage years are a stage in our lives, so is putting ourselves to the side to raise a family for a few years. You don’t have to do this all of your life. Children grow and leave and you need to continue with your Soul’s plans.
We all need to stay with our Soul’s plan. But again, maybe your Soul’s plan is to be a great mother for the longest time, and that is OK. Or who knows, maybe your Soul’s plan is for you to not have any children of your own, and that is perfectly fine too.
Not all women are born to be mothers
Ever since I hear Elizabeth Gilbert talk about the 3 types of women she believes there are, I have seen more clearly how the mother role is not something that should be a default role in our lives as women.
Elizabeth said “I have come to believe there are three sorts of women, when it comes to questions of maternity. There are women who are born to be mothers, women who are born to be aunties, and women who should not be allowed within ten feet of a child.”
I have met women in all three categories doing the wrong role and living a stressful life. But I’ve also seen women in their accurate role as mothers and I can see and feel their expanding joy.
Even though I consider myself to be in the auntie category, I still do my mothering job the best I can. I am not perfect, and there is no way I want to be. What’s perfect anyways? I just want to be the best mom ever to my kids.
The best mom ever
Want to be the best mom ever? Simple: always try to feel as good as you can whether you have children or not.
Don’t worry, you cannot be the worst mom ever, nor the perfect mom. So, don’t focus on that too much. Instead focus on being a person that knows how to feel good inside, that knows how to love herself, and that is capable of loving others. By focusing on you, through example you show that others can feel good too.
Mothers will always be “the best mom ever” because the match was made in heaven." -Claudia LeBaron
In the big scheme of things I see as the real purpose of a mother to bring more human beings to this world… to keep the earth populated. But as human beings, our purpose for being in this world is to feel good, be joyful and create whatever we want to create while living here.
If being a mother will bring you to that joy, then happy mother’s day to you!. If not being a mother brings you to that same joy, well, happy mother’s day to you too!!
In honor to your mother, tell me what is the BEST memory you have of her? Mine is the many times she came to my rescue.