Pleasant Gatherings

11/18/2020

Prepare yourself and your mindset when planning to join gatherings of any kind, especially family gatherings.

We all like spending pleasant time with others. Nevertheless, there is always one or two people not aligned with the rest. What are we supposed to do when they approach us?

We all love peaceful and safe gatherings

We are social beings. We all have a need to be part of a tribe and feel safe in it. This need is part of our nervous system. It helps the nervous system to calm down so the body can return to its natural state of well-being (homeostasis), so it can heal and restore itself.

Within our inherited memory from ancient ancestors is the information that says, “There is safety in numbers”—so I don't die of hunger, or sick, or eaten by an animal larger than me. This is why we look forward to having gatherings with other people in which we feel safe, have fun, and enjoy each other’s company.

However, since we all are at different levels in the emotional spectrum (see Harmony Scale), there are people with all kinds of energies that come into a gathering, and many times those energies (vibrations=vibes) do not align nicely with one another’s.

Although this clash of energies is always happening, we feel it most in the gatherings where we expect to have fun. So, what should we do to avoid unnecessary conflict that can ruin our time at a gathering?

What to do before

For sure you have heard this: the intention is what counts. Well, then, make sure your intention before joining any gathering is to enjoy it and have fun. Once you do this, you will be in an energy level in which you will mostly be seeing and having interactions that match your vibe.

So, to keep a positive vibe, before you join a gathering:

Check you emotional safety. With the information you already have of the coming event, find out how safe you feel as you think about attending the gathering.
Assess your emotional state towards others. If you know, or have an idea of, who will be attending the gathering, assess how you feel towards each person and determine if you would like to be around them or not.
Connect with those you feel comfortable connecting with. If someone you feel comfortable connecting with is attending, consider that you might not be next to that person all the time. So make sure you have a plan B.

It goes without saying that if you don’t feel safe, feel threatened by someone who might be at the gathering, or don’t feel comfortable with anyone, consider not attending.

You have a choice

At some point or another we all have a “belief” recorded in our subconscious that says that no matter how miserable we might feel at a gathering (in particular family gatherings), we have no choice but to attend. But, we do have a choice!

Disregarding your feelings is disregarding your value. But, if the thought of not attending the gathering gives you an unpleasant feeling greater than the unpleasant feeling of attending, then you might need to have a compromise with yourself and choose the lesser of the two evils. Taking a decision in which you feel better, although not that great, empowers you. So, you decide.

Just make sure you choose the option that feels best and are comfortable with, and still set the intention to enjoy and have fun as much as possible—who knows, maybe you get surprised.

Tools to use during the gathering

Gatherings are unpredictable when people with strong non-matching energies come together. Make sure you are mindful and prepare yourself with tools to use during unpleasant interactions.

Some of the tools that you can be armed with to protect your energy are:

Change the subject or end the conversation. You can have a one distracting sentence ready for these moments. One very common is asking what they think of the weather. Find one or two personalized sentences you can use to create healthy distraction. You can also ask what they think about something not controversial. People like to talk about themselves.
Avoid touchy topics. In particular topics related to having to choose sides such as the elections, religion, sports, the rich and the poor, etc. These topics only create separation, competition, and fights.
Do not engage. Do not engage in strong disagreements if it doesn't feel comfortable. Gatherings are not the time and place for strong disagreements, but people can get fired up at any moment if they don’t know how to manage their emotions. If you feel the energies are rising up, don't continue the conversation and change the subject.
Don’t play the “upping” game. This game is a form of victimization. It is about who wins to be the greatest victim with the most miserable circumstance at the moment. “I’m so tired” one says. “I couldn’t sleep last night” says another one. Then a third one joins and says “I have had sleeping problems all this week.” No. Do not join or participate in these conversations. Save yourself of all that negativity.
Leave the gathering. Attending a gathering does not mean you have to stay for the entire duration. If it was important for you attend and do not feel comfortable staying for a long time, set an hour or determine a trigger for you to leave. You feel good that you attended the gathering, and you feel good that you didn't stay too long around energies that don't feel good to you.

After interacting with others your vibe can be affected by their vibe. So, make sure you are always mindful and keeping track of how much you are enjoying the gathering. If you're not having a good time, then it's time to make changes or leave.

This is the power of gathering: it inspires us, delightfully, to be more hopeful, more joyful, more thoughtful: in a word, more alive.” —Alice Waters

Always remember that most of what people say and do has nothing to do with you, even though it might look like it. They are just sharing the energy they have within themselves. So don’t take anything personally.

At the same time, consider your decision to attend a gathering if you don’t have good and positive energy to share at the moment. But if you do have good energy, use the gathering as an excuse to share your good and positive vibes to everyone who can align with it. Enjoy and have fun!

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