The funeral is over and everyone is back to their own lives again. What do you do now? What do you do after everyone is gone? How long do you keep crying for? How long will the pain last? What can you learn from this experience? Will you ever be back to normal again?
Death exists as a sure way for us to grow spiritually. It’s up to each one of us to review and analyze the life and death of a loved one to find the teachings we need to learn and overcome. And no, you will never be back to your old normal again, but you will be living a new normal. And it’s up to you allowing your spiritual growth that will determine how your new normal will be.
In the last part of my previous blog post I told you we were about to lose a second loved one and we did. We lost two loved ones in less than a month; both in very different circumstances but still both very much unexpected.
The pain I feel, even though I feel it greatly, it’s probably nothing compared with the pain of losing a loved one you see every day, sometimes all day; a loved one that lived in your house.
NOTE: This is the third post about my conversations about death. You can find part 1 here and part 2 here.
A time to grieve
You might know what losing a loved one feels like, and understand that for a while you don’t want to even get out of your house. And that’s what I did. After both funerals were over I just wanted to vegetate (go by with just basic necessities to function and live for you and those in your house) for a few days. If you ever go through this situation, allow yourself to vegetate for a few days. See it as a way to reset yourself after a strong glitch in life.
The time to grieve is different for everyone and even though the pain never goes away completely, it eventually lessens over time. Although there’s no set time to stop mourning, I found online that there’s an average time to deeply mourn depending on how close you were to the departed. According to that site, the mourning time varies from 30 days to 6 months. But again, this is just so you get an idea as to when you could begin to notice that you feel better, and so you allow it.
After you reset, you'll notice that you’re no longer the same and that’s perfectly normal. You must have learned something from the experience of losing someone dear to you and now you want to improve your relationship with those left. Hug them more. Kiss them more. Tell them you love them more often. Be attentive when they talk to you. Spoil them a little if you can. Just make sure you give them all the love you can give them while they’re alive.
There’s nothing more regretful, I think, than feeling you could've been there, and you didn't. Feeling you could've helped more, and you didn’t. Feeling you could've loved more, and you didn’t.
So if you feel that you can be more love to your loved ones now, take every opportunity to do so. It doesn’t need to take much of your time. Sometimes just a few minutes are enough. A phone call, a text message, a touch, a hug, a kiss, a few minutes listening, talking and laughing are golden for all of those involved.
Those who’ve passed on don’t want their death to take the focus off the living.” –Allison DuBois
When everyone is gone and each one of us is alone is when the mind games begin. What I mean is that the mind begins to bring questions and statements to you about what you could’ve or should’ve done or not done to prevent the loss of your loved one. This is normal.
This process is normal for everyone. It’s when the mind tries to bring reasoning to what you just went through and want you to stop suffering. Since the mind is not rational, it cannot tell whether it’s benefiting you or not. It’s just a survival instinct.
So, don’t fall for those games. The fact that it happened means that there was nothing you could have done, or not done, to prevent it. Stop torturing yourself and use your mind to honor the life, and death, of your loved one instead.
If your mind is giving you a hard time, try meditation. Meditation helps to calm the mind. It temporarily puts it aside so you can connect directly to your Source. Once you connect with your Source, with your Creator, you will have a better understanding of what you’re experiencing and your mind will therefore align to your new understanding.
The more you linger in your pain, the more you prevent your own inevitable evolution.” –Sue Frederick
Learn and grow from the experience
It is only through loss that we appreciate what we have. It is only by losing someone we love that we become more appreciative of those who are still with us. As I mentioned above, if you feel regret towards your departed use that regret to improve the relationships of your loved ones still living. This is for sure one way for you to grow from the experience.
Another way for you to grow after you lose a loved one is to act on your inspiration. For instance, I felt inspired and decided to honor my nephew by beginning the conversations no one wants to talk about: death.
What is your inspiration? Begin a support group for those going through what you went through? Work with policy to create new laws to prevent more deaths like the one your loved one experienced? Write a book about your experience? Teach what you have learned to those interested? Whatever it is, however small or big, just act on your inspiration and grow.
There are many ways to grow and evolve spiritually. Another way is to learn and adopt new understanding and positive character traits such as forgiveness, empathy and compassion. These traits will be useful when you’re ready to help others. When you’re ready you will then begin to see the opportunity approaching you. If it feels good, make sure you take it. Because when you help and serve others your heart expands and as a result your inner being grows spiritually.
Extract from the experience the blessings given by your loved one and use them to improve your life instead of derailing your positive direction with recriminations towards yourself or God or faith.” –Robert Schwartz
Don’t lose yourself in grief and despair because that can only bring you bad feeling experiences in your life. Instead choose to celebrate the life of your loved one and be grateful that she/he was in this world at this time sharing a life with you.
Are you still grieving the loss of a loved one? Well, let me tell you something, if you’re suffering too much, you’re doing something wrong. Let me help you. Schedule a free 30 minutes conversation with me to see if we’re a good fit and we’ll go from there.
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We Will All Die
When A Loved One Dies
What Does It Mean To Be Spiritual?
Learn To Meditate The Easy Way
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