Ok, let’s not be so dramatic and think instead of living in a world where everyone does, thinks, believes, and almost says the same things, like in The LEGO Movie. It would be kind of annoying, right?
Understand why we need relationships
And even though the word relationship is most commonly used to represent romantic relationships, relationships can actually be formed with parents, siblings, spouse, children, relatives, friends, neighbors, business partners, etc.
Now, let me give you what I believe are the three main reasons why we need people and relationships in our lives:
We like variety: We actually enjoy diversity; diversity is what makes us desire new and different things and experiences. If we don't see the possibility of something creative and different, we would never be able to invent anything new.
They help us define our desires and beliefs: By interacting with other’s people thoughts and beliefs, we actually define ours to be the same, or somewhat similar, or totally the opposite. Yes, we create new desires and beliefs by exchanging information and contradicting with each other's beliefs and ideas.
They make this world fun: People are the life of the party. Imagine a party without people, not so much fun right? Or imagine going to a sports game by yourself, who are you going to share your excitement with when your team is winning?
When we embrace diversity and welcome contradiction, we allow each other to feel free to create more and new ways to have pleasant experiences in our lives from which everyone benefits.
How to have great relationships
- First of all, understand that no one can give you more than what they have. What I mean by this is that if someone lives in an emotional state of 40, and unless they make a conscious effort, they can only give what they feel while in that emotional state. In this case emotions from the 40 level are: disgust, annoyance, pessimism, frustration and judgement.
So, I want you to understand that someone's response to you, most of the time, has nothing to do with you.
- By being in a good feeling state you can help others feel good. Have you seen this video Coca Cola made? I love it, it's a great clip. Even though an actor started the chain of laugh; most of the people that can hear him cannot help it and start laughing too. Now it's your turn, watch it and try not to laugh.
On the opposite note, if you are in a bad feeling state, you can also spread that to others and make them feel bad. So, take care of your feelings by choosing to feel good. Yes, it's that easy. Just remember that others cannot do it for you, but when you do it for you, you will also be doing it for others.
- Trying to control others hurts you more. Trying to control others comes from the idea that if you control everything around you, you will be ok. But I want you to be aware that trying to control everything comes from an internal sense of insecurity. From the belief that any change can hurt you.
Now, do you remember where insecurity is in The Joy Scale? Do you really want that for you? If not, release that need to control and focus on who you really are.
- Respect everybody’s free will. Don’t try to do things that not even God does. Don’t interfere with other's free will. Let others be and do whatever they want as long as you are safe and respected.
By allowing others to be themselves, you allow yourself the same. This doesn't mean that you have to put up with them if you don't want to. In fact, if you don't feel secure or respected, it's time to communicate it or just follow each other's path even if they are opposite.
- Don’t expect good things from people just to make you happy. But, do expect good things from people just so they are happy. When you do this they will most of the time rise up to the level and you will feel happy just by seeing them be happy.
- Release everyone from your need to make you happy. Yes, everyone. You will lift a huge weight off their shoulders and they will start feeling free to be themselves without the need to behave in certain ways just so you are happy.
By doing this for them you're also doing it for you. When your happiness does not depend on them you don’t have to be disappointed on the ever changing behaviors they go through based on their own life experiences.
This is what unconditional love is all about… there are no conditions to love them. None whatsoever.
- Release yourself from the need to make others happy. Sometimes we think it's our job to make someone else happy either because we were taught that way or because we want or like to feel needed. Sometimes people think that if they feel needed they are important and have value. But let me tell you, you don't need that. You are important and so valuable just the way you are right now.
When you release others, you are actually giving them the opportunity to look and learn other ways to be happy on their own without depending so much on you. You are teaching them to be independent while you gain your freedom to be the real person you are and not what others want or expect you to be.
- You being happy or unhappy has nothing to do with others. You being happy or unhappy is all about you choosing, consciously or unconsciously, to be in that state. You will say that someone else's actions made you angry, but if you pay attention, you will see that you could have reacted in a different way.
So, don't blame others for how you feel, but do make them accountable if applicable, once you are in a better emotional state.
- Appreciate the good things in others. If you focus in the not so good qualities of others, trust me you will find them because we all have them. But if you appreciate people for who they really are and focus on their good qualities, you will most definitely them. Try it, it works.
Always keep in mind that we all do things that we individually think will make us happy. So, don't take things so personal when you see actions you don't agree with. It's usually not about you.
What other ideas do you have that can also help us have great relationships?